While employed as the Human Resources Director at Times Mirror, a former holding company for a number of media groups – newspapers, television stations, radio stations, magazines, book companies and training companies – I had the good fortune of becoming a certified Zenger Miller facilitator, which company was considered the lead Times Mirror training organization among a group of three. During the week-long certification program, and among many other important skill-sets imparted, Zenger Miller’s* principles for building trust and motivating others were introduced, as follows:

 

1. Focus on the issue, situation or behavior, not the person.
2. Maintain the self-confidence and self-esteem of others.
3. Maintain constructive relationships.
4. Take the initiative to make things better.
5. Lead by example.
6. Think beyond the moment.

 

*In an article entitled “The Basic Principles: Building Blocks of Trust,” by Craig Perrin and Chris Blauth, John (Jack) Zenger described the source of the principles he and partner Dale Miller developed: the first three came from work completed in the 1970’s by two Syracuse University professors; two were added in the 1980’s in response to ethical challenges in society; while the sixth was added by followers in 2006.

 

Each of the six principles is critical to building trust and motivating others, and indeed vital tools for facilitators to live by when engaging a highly interactive session, be it a board or team retreat, a training session or a conference presentation. Principle number one, the focus of today’s blog (“focus on the issue, situation or behavior, not the person”), is a particularly challenging one, especially given that behavior is tied closely (exclusively?) with something a person would have done. The theory born out by research and everyday human observation is that when people are under stress, we often exhibit our least attractive/most offensive behaviors. Accordingly, Zenger Miller identifies what are called “Common Pressure-Point Responses” to principle number one, which is to “blame, label and generalize.” I would also add: to strike out at others, make and direct unpleasant/nasty comments to and/or about others, to cherry-pick behaviors or even fabricate false accusations; and, in this day and age of technology at our finger tips, to tweet real-time these unpleasant remarks.

 

The How-To’s – Communicating When Focusing on the Issue, Situation or Behavior, Not the Person:

• State the acts and facts only: avoid conclusions, opinions or attribution of motivation
• Use “I” statements and avoid, even banish, “you” statements
• Communicate when calm: avoid communicating out of anger
• Rely upon trusted advisors to review proposed communications before launching them

 

Story:

Investigator Inez was retained by ACME widget company to conduct a sexual harassment investigation based upon the allegations as follows: Carolina Coordinator delivered a fax to Matt Manager, who was on his personal cellphone. When Carolina glanced at the cellphone, she discovered that Matt was scrolling through “half-nude” women. Carolina said nothing to Matt, rather she walked over to one of Matt’s subordinates, telling Erick Employee what she had seen. Hillary HR Director saw Carolina talking to Erick, and also observed Erick’s animated response. Within a few days, Erick recounted to Hillary HR Director what Carolina advised him, making a formal complaint on her behalf and also indicating that he had observed Matt scrolling through “half-nude” women on another occasion. Hillary HR Director documented the event and called in Inez, an outside investigator, to conduct the investigation. In her interview, Carolina did not recount the events as outlined in the documented incident. Rather she discussed a completely different set of events, indicating that another Manager – Mona – who Carolina believed was frustrated with Matt’s performance, as having raised the topic of Matt’s private cellphone usage to Carolina. Carolina admitted having told Mona that she observed Matt on his cellphone excessively, indicating that she observed him looking at “girls in bikinis.” Expressing confusion at this statement of the incident, investigator Inez asked Carolina how Erick would have known about Matt’s having scrolled through “half naked women,” given Carolina indicated she said nothing to him. Carolina stated “Mona must have told him.” In the investigatory write-up, Inez concluded that based upon the interviews of all who were quizzed – Carolina, Erick, Hillary and Mona – that Carolina had been less than truthful.

 

Mona found this out and in a fit of anger approached Carolina and stated: “Why you little liar; what do you have against me? Why did you throw me under the bus? It must be that you have a crush on Matt.”

 

Following the How-To’s, What Went Wrong?

 

The How-To’s – Communicating When Focusing on the Issue, Situation or Behavior, Not the Person:

 

• State the acts and facts only: avoid conclusions, opinions or attribution of motivation

 

Mona to Carolina: “Why you little liar.” (opinion). “What do you have against me?” (a conclusion). “It must be you have a crush on Matt.” (insinuating a motive).

 

• Use “I” statements and avoid, even banish, “you” statements

 

Mona to Carolina: “What do you have against me.” “Why did you throw me under the bus?”

 

• Communicate when calm: avoid communicating out of anger

 

Statement of Facts: “Mona found this out and in a fit of anger approached Carolina and stated:”

 

• Rely upon trusted advisors to review proposed communications before launching

 

Conclusion: Had Mona sought out the advice of a trusted advisor, the conversation could have gone as follows.

 

What if Mona had focused on the issue, situation or behavior, not the person, and followed the How-to’s? The conversation could have gone like this:

 

The How-To’s – Communicating When Focusing on the Issue, Situation or Behavior, Not the Person:

 

• State the acts and facts only: avoid conclusions, opinions or attribution of motivation

 

Mona to Carolina: “Carolina, I understand that a comment about my working relationship with Matt was made during a recent investigation. . . “

 

• Use “I” statements and avoid, even banish, “you” statements

 

 Mona to Carolina: “I am not aware of any issues between Matt and myself. I am eager to learn if others think so.”

 

• Communicate when calm: avoid communicating out of anger

 

Mona to Carolina a day after she learned of the Carolina’s comments in the report: “I must admit that I was a little upset when I learned about the investigation. Upon reflection, I want to express my concerns . . .”

 

• Rely upon trusted advisors to review proposed communications before launching

 

Mona to Carolina: “Carolina, I understand that a comment about my working relationship with Matt was made during a recent investigation. I am not aware of any issues between Matt and myself. I am eager to learn if others think so. I must admit that I was a little upset when I learned about the investigation. Upon reflection, I want to express my concerns and to reiterate that I am open to learning about how others perceive my relationship with Matt. Also, I appreciate that in the future all concerns be addressed to me directly. It was a little tough to learn that they only came out in an investigation. I felt like I had been thrown under the bus.”

 

In Conclusion . . . focusing on the issue, situation or behavior can be tough, especially if we react immediately (and fall back on our “lizard brains”). However, following the how-to’s can facilitate a communication to success. After all, Mona’s goal was to express the following: 1) surprise that a perceived workplace clash between herself and Matt would surface in an investigation; 2) a desire to learn how and why that perception exists within the organization; 3) to express that she felt she had been sacrificed, e.g., thrown under the bus in an unrelated matter; and, 4) to ask that she be dealt with directly.

 

The How-To’s – Communicating When Focusing on the Issue, Situation or Behavior, Not the Person:

• State the acts and facts only: avoid conclusions, opinions or attribution of motivation
• Use “I” statements and avoid, even banish, “you” statements
• Communicate when calm: avoid communicating out of anger
• Rely upon trusted advisors to review proposed communications before launching

Learn more about communication for improvement and focusing on behavior first in my book, Consequential Communication in Turbulent Times: A Practical Guide to Leadership.