Communication can be touchy to say the least in the era of Covid-19. The expression “take foot, put in mouth,” comes to mind. All of us can be too quick to retort with something we later regret. This blog tackles some tips for avoiding the “lizard brain.”
Research Shows . . .
That since scientist named the “limbic cortex” in 1954, it is often referred to as the “lizard brain.” This is because the limbic cortex is the virtual totality of what the lizard has for a brain, and it controls fight, flight, feeding, fear and freezing up. We humans have various parts to our brains; however, we often minimize what a huge role our limbic cortex/lizard brain plays in our lives. It’s the compulsion to eat that brownie you promised yourself you weren’t going to eat. Or, for a recovering person finding himself on autopilot driving to the liquor store to buy a six-pack. It’s what compels the smoker whose New Year resolution is to quit smoking . . . which she does for six weeks, and then starts again.
The lizard brain is also what drives us to say that one thing to that one person that we promised ourselves we would never say, or send that group email that is defensive, overly aggressive, or just plain inappropriate. In this era of covid-19, while giving into the fear or the fight, we are more likely to blurt out that hurtful remark, because we are giving into our fears, concerns about the future. In short, the uncertainty.
Scenario:
The book club decided to hold its monthly meeting over Zoom, and it’s your turn to facilitate the meeting. It’s the first online meeting and will last only one hour. In thinking through how to manage the group and to avoid people talking over one another, you send out a series of book club questions asking everyone to select one for discussion.
Several members object, making remarks such as “not interested,” “who do you think you are?” “I like the free-form discussion format,” “this is way too structured for me,” “you don’t have the authority to do this.” Sprinkled among those other comments come supportive remarks: “great idea,” “let’s give it a try,” “glad you thought about this,” and, “thanks for taking the time to think this through. Creative solution.”
Like many things in life, rather than focus on the positive comments, you react to the negative remarks, and are on the verge of retorting when you take the 15-second pause, which becomes extended into thinking about it “in the cool of the evening.” The lizard-brain retort that came to mind was “thanks for the support – not – most of you are rude. If someone else wants to take over, be my guest.”
Tips for Controlling the Lizard Brain in the Era of Covid-19:
- Take the “famous 15-second pause,” before responding, and if that isn’t long enough take the “think about it in the cool of the evening” break before speaking. After all, the communication can always take place later.
- If, after taking the time-out, it’s still unclear whether to give into the lizard-brain itch to send that email, ask a trusted advisor or advisors.
- If a communication will go forward, pick the right words, the right time and the right place.
Tip #1: Take the “Famous 15-Second Pause:”
This tip involves restraint and silence. It requires thinking first and communicating second. During the pause and while thinking, it requires self-reflection: does this really need to be communicated? Is it, or could it be perceived as hurtful? Is it, or could it be interpreted as starting a fight? If the decision can’t be made with the initial pause, think about it later, or “in the cool of the evening,” when you’ve had a chance to cool down.
This involves an internal struggle: fighting part of our natures – avoiding the immediate heart-stomping, blood pressure raising lizard brain response. Take a few deep breaths, and if you don’t already have one, develop a calming mantra, and repeat it once, twice, three times or more. Since we are now accustomed to singing to ourselves the happy birthday tune twice while handwashing, sing it while calming down. Last, one can always laugh at herself for having the thought, the urge, the impulse to blurt out that remark in the first place.
Tip #2: Ask a Trusted Advisor: What Would He or She Recommend?
All of us have someone in our lives who we trust implicitly to give us good advice: we know from experience that this person has our best interest at heart. The person could be a life-long friend, a relative, a professional or someone we admire and seems to have her or his lizard brain under check. If after we’ve thought about our intended communication long and hard, have waited a while and are still unsure whether to deliver it, call up the trusted advisor and seek her or his advice. Having done it myself (more times than I care to admit) over the years, my trusted advisors – I have two – always give me sage advice. And, I follow it.
In this case, our trusted advisors both counsel against the “lizard-brain” email; however, each thinks that developing a kinder, gentler communication would be in order. After a bit of “to and fro,” the following email is considered appropriate:
“Hi All: Thanks for all the comments – wow, lots of energy around the idea – both positive and negative. Sorry if I wasn’t clear about my thinking. I was hoping that with everyone selecting a question, we could ensure that all would participate, and have a more engaged discussion, given our hour-long time limit. I realize that not everyone is up for it; however, let’s give it a try. If it works, perhaps we’ll want to adopt the process going forward. If not, we don’t have to. Five members have already selected questions they’d like to address, specifically questions 1, 4, 5 and 14. If anyone else has a preference, let me know via return email. Of course, this is completely optional. And, if no one else selects a question, I’ll leave five minutes at the end for a round-robin for final thoughts.”
Tip #3: If a Communication will go Forward: Pick the Right Words, the Right Time, and the Right Place
After thoughtful consideration and reconsideration, and after seeking advice from a trusted advisor, or trusted advisors, the communication will go forward, word selection is key. Remember to:
- Apologize for failing to provide more detailed information up-front, if appropriate.
- Own the communication by using “I” statements (avoid “you” statements).
- Avoid reacting to the negative remarks directly. Acknowledge negative comments were made. However, comment only on the positive remarks.
Pick the right time. Remember that . . .
- Allow time to pass – that typically let’s heated reactions calm down.
- Communicate when the intended audience does not have competing matters to deal. This can exacerbate the matter. Communicate when the evening activities are ended, children are in bed, dishes washed, etc.
Pick the right place. Remember that . . .
- If it’s an in-person communication (doubtful for a while), or a Zoom group meeting, “praise in public; discipline (or offer critiques) in private.”
- If it’s a Zoom, GoToMeeting, FaceTime or the like, pick a restful environment – either in your home or outside, where possible.
It’s a wrap, so remember that we’re all experiencing uncertainty, if not stress, anger or fear, and that others are, too. Be forgiving of others and yourself, and keep your lizard-brain in check by following these three tips: Take the “famous 15-second pause,” before responding, and if that isn’t long enough take the “think about it in the cool of the evening” break before communicating. If, after taking the time-out, it’s still unclear whether giving into the itch to make that remark is appropriate, ask a trusted advisor or advisors. If a communication will go forward, pick the right words, the right time and the right place.
Be well, stay safe, and give an elbow-bump to those you meet!
A wonderful article that I have shared.
Can I just say what a comfort to find an individual who actually understands what they’re discussing over the internet.You certainly understand how to bring an issue
to light and make it important. More and more people ought to
read this and understand this side of the story. It’s surprising
you aren’t more popular since you certainly possess the gift.
I read this completely, it’s awesome article.
Thanks for the good writeup.
What’s Going down i’m new to this, I stumbled upon this
I’ve discovered It absolutely useful and it has aided me out loads.
I’m hoping to contribute & assist other users like its aided
me. Good job.
I’m really inspired with your writing abilities and also with
the structure to your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you modify it your self?
Either way stay up the excellent quality writing, it’s uncommon to look a nice
blog like this one these days..
Sorry to hear that. I think you may have to remove yourself; however, I am not sure. I’ll ask the folks I work with.
Diana PM
Thanks for sharing your info. I really appreciate your efforts and I
will be waiting for your next post thanks once again.
Superb post however I was wanting to know
if you could write a litte more on this topic?
I’d be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit more.
Bless you!
It’s hard to come by well-informed people for this
topic, but you sound like you know what you’re talking about!
Thanks
It’s actually very difficult in this active life to listen news on Television, therefore I only use the web for that purpose, and obtain the newest
information.
Keep on working, great job!
An outstanding share! I’ve just forwarded this onto a friend who
was doing a little research on this. And he in fact bought me lunch due to the fact that I stumbled upon it for him…
lol. So let me reword this…. Thanks for the meal!!
But yeah, thanks for spending the time to discuss this topic here on your web page.
Hi! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a collection of volunteers and starting
a new initiative in a community in the same niche.
Your blog provided us beneficial information to work on.
You have done a extraordinary job!
I blog quite often and I genuinely appreciate your information. This article has truly peaked my
interest. I’m going to bookmark your blog and keep checking for new details
about once a week. I opted in for your Feed as well.
Hey there I am so glad I found your blog page, I really
found you by mistake, while I was searching on Yahoo for something else,
Nonetheless I am here now and would just like to say thanks for a tremendous post and a all round
thrilling blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to read through it
all at the moment but I have saved it and also added in your RSS feeds, so when I have time I
will be back to read much more, Please do keep up the superb b.
Appreciate this post. Will try it out.
Very nice blog post. I absolutely appreciate this site. Keep it up!
Its not my first time to visit this site, i am browsing this web site dailly and take
nice facts from here everyday.
Valuable information. Lucky me I discovered your web site by
accident, and I am shocked why this twist of fate didn’t took place in advance!
I bookmarked it.
Hello, I want to subscribe for this blog to
obtain newest updates, therefore where can i do it please
help out.
Nice blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere?
A design like yours with a few simple adjustements would really make my blog jump out.
Please let me know where you got your design. Thanks a lot
Nice answers in return of this matter with genuine arguments and telling
the whole thing regarding that.
Hmm is anyone else encountering problems with the images on this blog loading?
I’m trying to find out if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog.
Any responses would be greatly appreciated.
It’s amazing to pay a quick visit this website and reading the views of all mates concerning this
article, while I am also eager of getting know-how.
An impressive share! I’ve just forwarded this onto
a co-worker who had been conducting a little
homework on this. And he in fact ordered me breakfast due
to the fact that I stumbled upon it for him… lol. So allow
me to reword this…. Thank YOU for the meal!!
But yeah, thanx for spending some time to discuss this matter here on your website.
Attractive section of content. I just stumbled upon your blog and in accession capital to assert that I get actually enjoyed account your blog posts.
Anyway I’ll be subscribing to your augment and
even I achievement you access consistently quickly.
I’m gone to inform my little brother, that he should also pay a quick visit this web site
on regular basis to obtain updated from newest gossip.
Yes! Finally someone writes about website.
Awesome article.
I feel this is among the most important information for me.
And i am satisfied reading your article. But should remark on few normal things, The web site taste
is ideal, the articles is in point of fact excellent :
D. Good process, cheers
You actually make it seem so easy along with your presentation but I to find this matter to be really one thing which I feel I would
never understand. It seems too complex and extremely vast
for me. I’m taking a look forward in your next post, I will attempt to get the dangle of it!
I’m not sure exactly why but this website is loading very slow for me.
Is anyone else having this issue or is it a problem on my end?
I’ll check back later and see if the problem still exists.
Good day! I could have sworn I’ve visited this blog before but after
browsing through some of the articles I realized it’s
new to me. Regardless, I’m certainly happy I found it and I’ll
be bookmarking it and checking back frequently!
Great blog you have got here.. It’s hard to find good quality writing like yours
these days. I truly appreciate individuals like you!
Take care!!
Hi there, I enjoy reading through your article. I wanted to write a little comment to support you.
Generally I do not read post on blogs, however I wish to
say that this write-up very compelled me to check out and do
so! Your writing taste has been surprised me.
Thanks, very great post.
Hi there colleagues, how is all, and what you wish for
to say regarding this paragraph, in my view its really awesome in support of me.
Do you mind if I quote a few of your articles as long as I provide
credit and sources back to your site? My website is in the very same area
of interest as yours and my users would genuinely benefit from some of the information you present
here. Please let me know if this okay with you.
Many thanks!
I am genuinely thankful to the owner of this web page
who has shared this fantastic article at at this place.
Hey there, You’ve done an incredible job. I will definitely digg it and personally recommend to my friends.
I’m confident they will be benefited from this site.
Spot on with this write-up, I absolutely believe that
this web site needs much more attention. I’ll probably be returning to read through more,
thanks for the info!
I think this is among the most vital info for me. And i’m glad reading your article.
But should remark on few general things, The site style
is great, the articles is really excellent : D. Good job, cheers
It’s impressive that you are getting ideas from this paragraph as well as from
our dialogue made here.
You have made some really good points there.
I looked on the web for additional information about the issue and found most individuals
will go along with your views on this site.
Good post. I learn something totally new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon every day.
It’s always useful to read articles from other writers and use
a little something from their web sites.
Wow, wonderful blog layout! How long have you been blogging for?
you made blogging look easy. The overall look of your site is
wonderful, let alone the content!
Your style is so unique compared to other folks I’ve read stuff from.
Thank you for posting when you’ve got the opportunity, Guess I’ll just book mark this blog.
Wow, that’s what I was seeking for, what a material!
present here at this web site, thanks admin of this web site.
I am curious to find out what blog system you are working with?
I’m experiencing some minor security issues with my latest blog and I’d like to find something more risk-free.
Do you have any suggestions?
Howdy! This is kind of off topic but I need some advice from an established blog.
Is it very hard to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but
I can figure things out pretty quick. I’m thinking about setting up my
own but I’m not sure where to start. Do you have any points or suggestions?
With thanks
Hi Arleen:
Lots of info about blogs on google. You need your own website to publish them. Best to you.
Diana
PS You can sign up to receive my blogs automatically on my site, http://www.dianapetersonmore.com. Also, you can purchase my book via Amazon either through my name or the book, which is Consequential Communication in Turbulent Times, a Practical Guide to Leadership
Amazing! Its truly amazing post, I have got much clear idea on the topic of from this article.
I am sure this post has touched all the internet users, its really really
pleasant piece of writing on building up new website.
Hi! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you
I truly enjoy reading your articles. Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that deal
with the same topics? Thanks a ton!
Hi Reggie:
Thanks for the shout out. The other blogs that I contribute to are LeadChange and SmartBrief. I also understand that SABA is a good one, though I haven’t investigated it. Please sign up to receive automatically my blogs. You can do that on the site.
Thanks again,
Diana
PS: Also, you can purchase my book – Consequential Communication in Turbulent Times, a Practical Guide to Leadership – it’s on Amazon under the book’s title or my name. Cheers
I’m extremely impressed with your writing talents and also
with the structure for your weblog. Is that this a paid subject or
did you customize it your self? Either way keep up the excellent high quality writing, it is rare to see
a great blog like this one today..