Whether we realize it – or not – and whether we intend to – or not – we communicate throughout our waking hours. Consider the following: how we dress and wear our hair; how we walk, sit, and stand; how we present ourselves—whether we make eye contact or meet another’s gaze. Do we sit with our legs and arms folded; do we smile, do we nod acknowledgement to others – whether we know then or not? Think about how we speak, write, and use social media, and how we take in information and respond. These are some of the many ways that we project ourselves, consciously or unconsciously, that communicate who we are in the world and in the workplace.
It’s always important to be aware of how we project ourselves, and how we are perceived. In the era of covid-19 it is even more important. Uncertainty abounds, sensitivities are heightened, virtual meetings are ubiquitous, and the opportunities for miscommunication are multiplied. This presents an opportunity to assess how we communicate, what we project, and how we want to be perceived.
This is the first in a series of blogs. Today’s topic focuses on two key leadership skills: listening and asking. Many leaders are great at “telling;” how many can count listening and asking among the tools in their toolkits? There are doubtless many reasons why the “telling” skills have been honed. This blog isn’t concerned with the why, rather with how to shift away from telling and into listening and asking.
Listening and asking: The Communication How-to’s:
1) Set a Groundrule: The Leader will be Last to Communicate.
2) Ask Open-Ended Questions: Those that Cannot be Answered with a “Yes” or a “No,” rather Require an Expansive Response.
3) Engage in Active Listening: Respond with Questions that Underscore you Heard What was Said.
Set a Groundrule: The Leader will be Last to Communicate:
Whether a desired result – or not – once the leader speaks, the direction of the dialogue is set. I have worked with many leaders who are surprised to learn this, believing they project an open-mindedness/receptivity to other ideas and are merely “brainstorming out-loud” by starting the dialogue. When the leader indicates she or he will speak last, several things happen. Many ideas or solutions emerge – perhaps the one the leader had in mind, or, a better one. If encouraged, group brainstorming takes place, through which the “best” idea emerges. Engaging the group in a wide-ranging and productive brainstorm can take place by setting these simple groundrules:
- Indicate all ideas are welcomed
- The goal of the brainstorm is quantity of ideas not quality
- The brainstorm will last for 5 minutes
- Identify an official notetaker (preferably, the leader using a flipchart, if in person, or a side-by-side document if a virtual meeting) and state that all should participate
- After the 5 minutes, the group will discuss the ideas, with the aim of selecting the top three. The leader becomes the facilitator of the discussion, and weighs in only at the end of the process.
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Those that Cannot be Answered with a “Yes” or a “No,” rather Require an Expansive Response
Questions designed to encourage ideas can include a welcoming preface: “I’m open to all ideas. Tell me what you’re thinking?” or “That’s interesting, can you expand upon it a little more?” “I hadn’t thought about that. Can you add a few more words to that?” “I like your thinking. How do you envision making that happen?” “Team, we’ve heard several great ideas. Who else wants to weigh in?” “I haven’t heard from all of you yet, and eager to do so. Who’s next?”
Engage in Active Listening: Respond with Questions that Underscore you Heard What was Said
Listening and hearing what was said can, at times, be two different things. Active listening means taking in the information and responding thoughtfully. A few of the open-ended questions with a preface meet the active listening test: That’s interesting, can you expand upon it a little more?” “I hadn’t thought about that. Can you add a few more words to that?” “I like your thinking. How do you envision making that happen?” Others might be: “I like what I think I heard. Let me repeat it in my words, and, if I captured it, then let’s add a few more words to the idea.” “So many great ideas, how will we be able to narrow them down. Who has thoughts on that?”
Once all the ideas are on the table, the leader can narrow the scope and transition into decision-making. “I’m glad so many new and different ideas have emerged. I’m impressed.” “I didn’t want to limit our thinking, so I didn’t explain some of the constraints we’ll be under, so here goes. We were tasked with developing the plan in one month, and within our current budget. Given that we have 15 solid ideas, I’d like to narrow the choices to three.” “ With these constraints in mind, who wants to nominate one of the ideas that meets the tests?”
To recap:
Listening and asking: The Communication How-to’s:
1) Set a Groundrule: The Leader will be Last to Communicate.
2) Ask Open-Ended Questions: Those that Cannot be Answered with a “Yes” or a “No,” rather Require an Expansive Response.
3) Engage in Active Listening: Respond with Questions that Underscore you Heard What was Said.
