It may sound overly formal, however “assuming facts not in evidence,” is a common term used in the practice of law that has resonance in our daily communications. In a trial, the term involves a witness answering a question relying upon a “fact” that has yet to be established in the trial. Thus, the witness “assumed a fact” that was “not in evidence.”
How often do we assume what someone else meant to communicate and then respond without first checking to see if we were correct? This is particularly problematic in the era of covid-19 when many are feeling out of sorts. Uncertainty abounds, sensitivities are heightened, virtual meetings are ubiquitous, and the opportunities for miscommunication are multiplied. The immediate responses to something not intended can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, or even violence.
This is the third blog in a series of communication tips in the age of corona virus. The first focused on two key leadership skills: listening and asking, noting that many leaders are great at “telling,” and not as good at listening and asking. The second turned the spotlight on the importance of owning one’s communication by using the word “I” and banishing the word “you,” to almost nil. Today we’re focused on how assumptions about what another means when communicating can get us into trouble.
(How to Avoid) Using Facts Not in Evidence:
1) Engage in Self-Reflection: determine what perceptions, biases and assumptions we have that determine how we respond.
2) Follow the Adage and “Walk a Mile in Another’s Shoes, High Heels, Moccasins, Jack Boots or Flip Flops:” Consider how someone else with different biases and assumptions might perceive the situation.
3) When in Doubt, Ask Neutrally Phrased Questions, or Reframe the Issue – Check for Understanding: “I thought I understood . . .” “Is that accurate?” “I want to make sure I deliver what is asked. I think I’ve been asked to . . .” “Please say it again; I want to be sure I got it.”
Engage in Self-Reflection:
Each of us presents ourselves with what is often described as our “own baggage.” This is a term to describe that we are shaped by our first teachers (our parents), the tribe to which we belong, our educational experiences, the beliefs and values we develop over time, our living circumstances and those with whom we socialize, among many other factors. The total of our “baggage” forms who we are, how we present ourselves in the world, and what we understand. Become aware of one’s own baggage and how it influences the assumptions that inform the base of understanding.
Example: As she was walking out the door one evening, Carmen CEO handed a package of materials and stated to Edmund Executive Assistant “Send this information out to the board tonight for a special meeting tomorrow at 1:00 pm.” Carmen assumed that Edmund, a new Assistant, would know that the materials needed to be sent out via messenger, (in her mind -who wouldn’t know that?) and that he would need to follow-up with calls to each board member the following morning to ensure all would show up for the 1:00 pm meeting. Based upon expectations in his previous job, Edmund assumed that sending out the information via over-night mail, delivery the following morning by 10:00 am would do the trick. Also, it never occurred to him that he should call the board the following morning. At 1:00 pm when CEO Carmen walked into the board room, less than half of the members were there. The result: Edmund was terminated, and the board expressed its displeasure at Carmen’s inability to get the materials to them in enough time for an adequate review.
Follow the Adage and “Walk a Mile in Another’s Shoes, High Heels, Moccasins, Jack Boots or Flip Flops:”
Having put aside one’s own “baggage,” consider how others might perceive or respond to a situation: how the sum of their life’s experience – their baggage — could influence their understanding. This is particularly true if the other person is or persons are from another gender, gender identify, race, age, or religion.
Example: Edwina employee was a great auditor, having earned her stripes outperforming the others in her work group. Bob boss often praised her work in group meetings. A promotional opportunity in the group was posted, which would require out-of-state travel. Edwina applied for the job and, although she understood she was the most qualified candidate, Bob promoted Juan instead. When Edwina, who was hurt and angry, asked Bob why, he stated, “I figured you wouldn’t want to travel out-of-state, because you have young children.” Not only was this assumption inaccurate (based upon Bob’s belief of how families should operate), it led Edwina to file a complaint against Bob and the Company for discrimination based upon gender.
When in Doubt, Ask Neutrally Phrased Questions, or Reframe the Issue – Check for Understanding:
Revisiting the first example, had Carmen CEO said, “Edmund, when I ask that materials be sent to board members, I’d like them always sent by way of messenger. Also, in a case of a next day special meeting, I’d like the all the board members to be called the following morning to ensure full, or as close to full in-person attendance as possible. If some can’t make it, see about setting up a phone-in option.” For his part, Edmund could have said, “I want to make sure I got it. I would normally send these out over-night. Is that okay, or would you prefer a different method?”
To Recap: (How to Avoid) Using Facts Not in Evidence:
1) Engage in Self-Reflection: determine what perceptions, biases and assumptions one might have that determines how she or he might respond.
2) Follow the Adage and “Walk a Mile in Another’s Shoes, High Heels, Moccasins, Jack Boots or Flip Flops:” Ask how someone else might perceive the situation.
3) When in Doubt, Ask Neutrally Phrased Questions, or Reframe the Issue – Check for Understanding: “I thought I understood . . .” “Is that accurate?” “I want to make sure I deliver what is asked. I think I’ve been asked to . . .” “Please say it again; I want to be sure I got it.”
In my book, Consequential Communication in Turbulent Times: A Practical Guide to Leadership, learn more about how assumptions about what another means when communicating can get us into trouble and strategies to help prevent miscommunication in the workplace.
