In 1956 when Dr. Carl R. Rogers and a fellow psychiatrist coined the phrase “active listening,” were they prescient? Did they know that 65 years later the skill would be needed more than ever? Did they have a crystal ball, enabling them to see how communication – the basis of all human interaction – would be hampered by our inability to truly listen and understand one another?

Today, active listening is a skill written about, has become a staple in most leadership training curriculums, and is dissected and discussed among thought leaders in an effort to share the skill with others. However, what is active listening? And, more importantly, how do we do it, considering research out of Wright State University, shows that the average person listens at only about 25% efficiency and that while most people agree that listening effectively is a very important skill, they don’t feel a strong need to improve their own skill level.

Perhaps nowhere better than the United States Institute of Peace has defined active listening, as “a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding. It is an important first step to defuse the situation and seek solutions to problems.”

Active Listening: Needed More Today Than Ever?

For many of us, the world today seems more polarized, politics more divisive, and the ability to get along in the public square, sadly, appears to have fallen by the wayside. One need only look to social media, where those with different views are called enemies, idiots, morons, and worse – terms that can only be described as fighting words. Regardless of the intent or motivation of the communicator, these words serve to further divide, rather than to unite.

Remember Rodney King? At the end of his very public ordeal, he famously said “can’t we all just get along?” Engaging in active listening may well be the first step to healing the great divide.

Active Listening: A Leadership Superpower: What It Is and The How To’s

There is an abundance of blogs, posts, articles, and loads of research, all of which offer how-to’s and tips for active listening, or as the United States Institute for Peace (USIP) states “[learning] a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding. It is an important first step to defuse the situation and seek solutions to problems.” Dr. Rogers defined active listening as “another strategy for increasing empathy. It communicates that one cares about what is being communicated.”

While Skills You Need defines active listening as “. . . fully concentrating on what is being said rather than just passively ‘hearing’ the message of the speaker.”

What all of these definitions have in common is a sense that the communicator should be shown respect, empathy, and understanding: she or he is important!

The How-To’s – Dr. Roger:

1. Ask open-ended questions.
2. Reflect another’s feelings (show understanding of how they feel).
3. Clarify.
4. Summarize what was heard.

The How-To’s – USIP*:

1. Make eye contact.
2. Lean forward slightly or nod.
3. Practice “interested silence,” and give the person time to respond.

The How-To’s – Skills You Need*:

1. Smile.
2. Mirror the facial expressions of the communicator.
3. Avoid distractions: stay focused.

*To avoid repetition, the How-To’s did not repeat previous observations

Active Listening: A Leadership Superpower: What It Is and The How To’s

My own contribution to the dialogue includes defining communication as “listening, asking and telling,” observing that leaders engage in too much telling, and not enough listening and asking.

The How-To’s: Ask More/Tell Less:

1. Set a ground rule that the leader speaks last.
2. Ask questions that require far more than a yes or no.
3. Dig deeper, ask “tell me/us more;” or, “please put more words around that concept.”
4. Respond with questions that reflect the listener’s understanding.
5. Ask for differing viewpoints, such as, “Who wants to add to that idea?” or “Who wants to play Devil’s Advocate?”
6. Give positive feedback. “Great idea. I hadn’t thought about it that way.” “I like your thinking. Thank you.”

Active Listening: “Practice Makes Perfect”

Finally, adopting these suggestions and integrating them into a leader’s toolkit takes practice: it won’t happen overnight. Start by picking three of the how-to’s and introduce them during the course of two or three weeks. In week three or four, add another how-to and continue to expand the toolkit by adding them all until the skill is mastered. Last, once the leadership superpower of active listening becomes a comfortable part of the toolkit, be sure to share it with others through mentorship.

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