Ghosts, Ghosts Everywhere: What is Internet Communication Protocol?

Are you afraid of ghosts? Had we been asked that as children, undoubtedly, we all would have said “yes.” Yet, there are ghosts among us today – everywhere. And who is afraid of them? Perhaps I am being a bit melodramatic, still, I can’t imagine I am alone in rebelling against being “ghosted” online.

Who shares my view? I am eager to hear back from you.

Of course, the three most likely to ghost me, are my adult children. By contrast, I find that if any of the three wants something from me, I get text or phone bombed with immediate demands. No surprise there.

While working, I put my phone on silent, and check for communications hourly. The classic response from a child is “Mom, hello, are you there?” or, “Hello – I texted you ten minutes ago, when are you going to answer?”

Yes, it’s annoying when it’s the immediate demands of family members; however, what if it’s friends or work colleagues?

Communication Protocol

I mentioned to a friend in a professional group that I find it odd that when I send a group email or text asking a question, I get ghosted. His response was, “Well, if no one answers, then I assume the answer is no.” That’s not my personal reaction, but okay then. Frankly, I often feel like “What am I, chopped liver,” and I end up wondering whether this is an organization I want to belong to.

Fast forward, and this same friend, with whom I share season play tickets mentioned he had to change the first date of the season. As requested, I provided alternative dates that could work for me. Three days later, not having heard back from him, I didn’t know what I was to have assumed. Could it be, he changed his mind? Perhaps he assumed my dates would stay open for an indefinite period? Well, I gave up one of those dates to someone else. And, you guessed it, after three days of silence, the date I gave away was the date he selected. Hmm, I guess I was supposed to have assumed that once given, my then open dates would stay available until it was convenient for him to respond.

I admit it; I am an over-communicator. In the workplace, I identify the goal of the communication; state my expectations; and conclude with what would be the consequences for not meeting the expectations. I guess I should apply the same to my personal relationships, albeit more informally.

My workplace communication habits sound stiff; however, I find it works for me, and those who report to me, I am told. NOTE: in the above example of changing the first play date, I failed to state something like: “I am juggling other dates, can you let me know tomorrow which of the alternatives works for you?”

Whether it’s being ghosted, being asked to assume what someone else might be thinking or intending, or just plain old inadequate communication, how about we agree to the following online communication protocols to avoid confusion, drawing incorrect conclusions, and/or experiencing hurt feelings?

Email and Internet Communication Protocol in the Workplace (and One Personal Example):

#1 Use the Subject Line strategically to Set out Your Expectations, or Desires, and the Consequences for Failing to Respond:

Examples:

1. 1. For Your Information Only – No Response Needed.
   2. Seeking Your Opinion – Please Respond by (State the Date).
   3. I Need Your Response No Later than the End of the Week – Failure to Respond will Result in a Decision Without Your Input.
   4. Urgent: Need your Response by the End of the Day.

#2 In the Body of the Email, Describe the Request and the Consequences More Fully:

Examples:

1. 1. I thought this information might be helpful in the report you’re writing. No need to respond to me. However, I am happy to help if you like.
   2. Time permitting, I’m eager to get your opinion on the recommendation I’m writing for Juan on our budget request. It’s due at the end of this week, so, I’ll need to know by Wednesday to ensure it’s concluded.
   3. I have a fixed deadline of tomorrow to get back to Jazmin on our vacation schedule. I know you have strong views on this. I’ll need your input by the end of today. If not, I’ll make my recommendations without your input, which you may not be happy with.
   4. Personal Example: * Darn – sorry you can’t make our first play date. Unfortunately, I’ve got a lot of balls in the air, so I can offer up three alternative dates today, but I’d like the decision about our ticket trade to be made by tomorrow. If I don’t hear back, I’ll have to select a date without you, and it may not be the best – or even the only – date you are free. Thank you in advance.

* Yes, the personal example is softer

Text Message Protocol – Using my Personal Examples:

#3 Begin with a Friendly Comment, then State Your Intention, the Expectation, and the Consequences of Being Ghosted:

Examples:

1. 1. Hope your day is off to a good start. Need to get a count for dinner tomorrow, so will you be coming? Going food shopping first thing in the morning. If I don’t hear back late tonight or super early tomorrow, I won’t food have enough food. xo, moms
   2. Sorry, you can’t make our first play. I’m juggling a bunch of dates, that impact others. So, happy to give you a few dates that are open today. I can only hold them for two days. If I don’t hear back, I may end up giving away the date that works best for you.

To Recap:

For internet communicators, let’s agree to be specific with our messages, stating what the purpose is or purposes are, what our expectations are of the recipient/s, and consequences for non-responses.

Online communication recipients, let’s agree not to ghost the communicators.