My 2025 New Year’s Resolutions: Eager to Hear Yours
As we break out the bubbly, sing Auld Lang Syne, and hold tightly to those we love, we typically ponder what New Year’s resolutions we will make for 2025. Among the most popular? Lose weight, exercise more, improve eating habits, and save more money. All are worthy goals. Those I’m adding to my list come right out of the book I published this year, breathing life into the adage, “it’s not what you say, it’s what you do.”
These may seem odd, yet here goes:
- Tamp down the Lizard Brain (most notably when I’m driving).
- Avoid “assuming facts not in evidence” (when speaking with my children).
- Follow the plea that Rodney King—in whose memory the book is dedicated—implored of us, “Can we all just get along?” (with those who hold opposing world views from my own).
Tamping Down the Lizard Brain
The immediate, heart-stomping, blood pressure-raising reaction I often feel while driving comes from the oldest part of our brain: the limbic lobe or cortex. It turns out that the limbic lobe/cortex comprises most of the lizards’ brain, hence, the name. The limbic cortex/lizard brain controls fight, flight, feeding, fear and freezing up.
While driving, my lizard brain is in full force, my heart rate is up, and my radar for those who are “poor drivers” is omnipresent. I am constantly voicing my disapproval, pointing out what they did wrong, and calling these drivers idiots, morons, and the like. (Fortunately, other than my dog or a family member passenger, no one can hear me.) If I breathe deeply, smile, and relax, I am on the way to keeping my opinions and responses in check.
Resolution #1: I will not give in to the lizard brain; I will avoid responding immediately, taking time to breathe in and out, and be more charitable to other drivers. And, although this resolution is focused on my bad driving conduct, the self-admonition applies to any time I have a lizard brain reaction.
Assuming Facts Not in Evidence
For those of us who are lawyers and those who are avid watchers of legal shows, the phrase “assuming facts not in evidence,” is an oft-repeated objection when a witness is on the stand. It means that a “fact” that the witness is testifying to has not been established. So, if the lawyer asks the witness, “What time did John arrive?” and there has been no evidence admitted that John arrived at the destination, that question would be “assuming facts not in evidence.”
I am reasonably good at avoiding this pitfall with others, so I will apply the same techniques to my children. This includes listening to understand, allowing them to finish what they are saying before jumping in, and if I am unsure of what they meant, I will ask for clarification, a la, “I heard x, y, or z, am I correct? If not let me know.”
Resolution #2: I will allow my children to complete their thoughts, asking for clarification, when needed, and avoiding making assumptions about what they are thinking, and/or are going to say.
Can We All Just Get Along?
In the polarizing times in which we live, patience, understanding, and acceptance of those with different world views have declined dramatically. I admit it, I often feel that way, too. As a result, I have avoided engaging with those who think differently. And, when I do, that little cloud over my head is often full of uncharitable thoughts.
I will be brave and engage those with different points of view by “seeking to understand before being understood,” as Stephen Covey so famously penned, and to avoid falling into the trap that those who think differently are “wrong;” rather, they just view the same facts differently than I do. Simple phrases like, “Tell me more,” or “Help me understand; I think differently than you do, and I am interested to understand why,” are all helpful conversation starters. Who knows, one or both of us may modify our views?
Resolution #3: I will engage with those with different world views and seek to understand where they are coming from, with the aim of “getting along.”
I will report back on my progress next year.
What are your New Year’s resolutions? How do you plan to achieve them? I am eager to hear what they are. Email me at diana@dianapetersonmore.com.
Read more about the lizard brain, assuming facts not in evidence, and Rodney King in “Can We All Just Get Along, Rodney King” Courageous Communication: A Return to Civility.
