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For those feeling unseen, unheard, or living in a feedback desert, this is the third leg on the stool in a series called “Write Your Own Review.” It’s all about turning the tables on the process and stopping the waiting game by writing your own performance review.
Performance reviews by ambush. Leaders who treat feedback like the plague. Bosses who never ask where you want to be in one to three years. That was my lead-in to my series called “Write Your Own Review,” and I tackled the first frustration.Today, let’s look at the second frustration: Leaders who treat feedback like the plague.
Performance reviews by ambush. Leaders who treat feedback like the plague. Bosses who never ask where you want to be in one to three years. It’s time to turn that around; it’s time to take the bull by the horns. Write Your Own Review. Yes, Write Your Own Review.
Drum roll, please! This month’s Leadership Development Digest features a record number of offerings – 26 thought leaders share their wisdom on a range of topics: Performance and Results; Growth & Development, Resilience, Well-Being, & Burnout Prevention, and AI & Technology ; Culture, Coaching and Communication; and, Engagement & Motivation, Emotional Intelligence, and Change & Innovation.
Words don’t just transmit information—they set tone and assign responsibility. Shift from “you” to “I” statements to clarify intent, reduce blame, and keep conversations respectful and productive.
Unless we are the organization’s top dog, we need to exert the power of persuasion to engage others to embrace and – more importantly – execute our very good ideas. But, with competing priorities, how do we do that? I call it “make it easy for them to say yes.”
Playgoing is one of my passions. Yesterday, it was a contemporary (as could only be playing in Los Angeles) reinterpretation of Hamlet. Thankfully, Shakespeare’s immortalized phrases were left unaltered. The one that rings truest for me has been on my mind: “To be or not to be, that is the question.” Over the years, I…
One of my clients has long had a prohibition on discussing politics in the workplace. Should someone forget and engage in political dialogue – the friendly reminder code word is “pizza,” a signal to cease and desist. I must admit, I initially thought this was silly. After all, we are all adults. It turns out that this employer was ahead of its time.
Like many, I am a lifelong learner. Frequently, my lessons come from the mistakes I’ve made. Here’s one that informed me, first as an employee and later as a boss, on performance conversations. While practicing employment law for the major southern California electric utility, I met frequently with officers in various departments to…
Unless it’s a birthday party, a marriage proposal, or a public display of gratitude by a boss, most of us don’t like to be surprised. Some don’t even like to be surprised by those three happy events! What about unhappy or negative events, situations, or circumstances in the workplace? What about the no-surprises rule? Many…
In an age of volatility — fake news, diverse audiences, technology at our fingertips, and change at the speed of light — clear, concise and intentional communication is vital to successful human interaction. Yet, the September 2017 survey by Fierce Conversations and Quantum Workplace found significant gaps across all organizations. Some key findings: 1) only…
In her landmark 2013 article, Kelly Dickerson captured, 8 Tragic Miscalculations and Miscommunications. A few of the more consequential examples include: The 1977 plane crash in the Canary Islands that killed 583 people because of a miscommunication between the pilots and the air traffic controller. Miscommunication about what type of cold medicine to take left an…
The business rationale for developing strong communications competency was made by David Grossman, who surveyed 400 companies with 100,000 employees each. These companies “each cited an average loss per company of $62.4 million per year because of inadequate communication to and between employees.” Communicating intentionally, accurately and clearly, while avoiding miscommunications is vital. Let’s review.…
“Why bother holding my employees accountable, you can’t terminate them anyway.” That statement, or a variation on the theme, is repeated by numerous supervisors and managers, who labor under the false impression that “you can’t terminate employees.” Of course, supervisors can hold employees accountable and terminate them, when warranted. It’s not if, it’s how. An…
So, I admit it, I am one of those drivers that talks to all of the others on the road, and it’s usually not very kind. This could be, in part, because I live in the greater LA area, where driving has become – practically – a blood sport. Cars (usually trucks, dare I say)…
It’s rather ironic that I am posting this blog on what would have been my dear old dad’s birthday: He and I often didn’t see eye-to-eye, and were in conflict on many issues – from the rather mundane, as in what time I needed to be home at night – to the more profound –…
The fight or flight instinct that undoubtedly was instrumental to the survival of our species, is the same response that frequently holds us back today. . . that is, when we “speak first, and think second.” The physiological reaction (in response to a perceived harmful event, attack or survival), is real, biological, and when unchecked…
A good facilitator makes it look easy-breezy, which is part of the magic. If the facilitator has accomplished this feat, then she is good! When one goes and graduates from “facilitator’s training school,” as I have, the first lesson is that “it takes twice as long to prepare, as it does to deliver.” Fortunately, over…
In a September 2016 Forbes magazine article, a well-known recruiter (Jorgen Sundberg) was cited as saying that the cost of onboarding an employee is $240,000.00. The Department of Labor indicated that the cost of a bad hire was 30% of her or his annual wages. The article went on to state “while the financial impact…
Articles abound as to why individuals don’t – or won’t – delegate. Whether in the Harvard Business Review (July, 2012), or the Huffington Post (August 2015), or a variety of blogs and posts, leadership trailblazers cite numerous reasons, numbering from as few as five to as many as nine to 10 to 14. All are…
1998 was a banner year for sexual harassment matters: Five cases were heard by the Supreme Court, all five of which are foundational for the journey that continues today. The two that are relevant to employee investigations are Burlington Industries vs. Ellerth, and Faraghar vs. the City of Boca Raton.While both cases discuss the offending…
This blog addresses Part II of the ABC’s of investigations – an important, timely and fact-filled topic. As a refresher, in last week’s blog, seven items were set out on what the employer should consider: The investigation must be undertaken soon after the complaint is made; The investigation must be neutral; A decision on how…
Internet communication can be a wonderful thing. I just reconnected with a friend who was formerly employed in a large consulting firm, and is struggling to make it on his own. His LinkedIn post to me: “wow, finding new clients is a full-time job.” My response, which is the nuts and bolts of this blog:…
Communication is something we do 24/7. Whether we know it or not, and whether we like it or not, that hackneyed phrase from an era gone by “first impressions are easy to make and hard to break” rings true today. During those initial encounters’ communication occurs: When we meet someone– Did we make eye contact?…
In the play Hamlet, Wm. Shakespeare immortalized that famous phrase: “To be or not to be, that is the question.” While on the Peterson-More annual family trek to the Eastern Sierras, one has an opportunity to read, hike, fish, indulge in all variety of flora and fauna (excluding, thankfully, snakes – altitude too high…
As the Peterson-More annual family trek to the Eastern Sierras – a vacation filled with hiking, reading, fishing, playing cards and board games, contemplating and just plain old relaxing (being vs. doing) — comes to an end, I would be remiss if I failed to point out some excellent communication tips from Louise Penny’s New…
The late, great Gerald Rosen, a contracts professor at Loyola Law School, used to say, “If you can’t get them on the merry-go-round, get them on the swings; if you can’t get them on the swings, get them on the slide; if you can’t get them on the slide, get them on the monkey bars.”…
Whether it’s called an ice breaker or a warm-up exercise, we facilitators have a number of them in our bag of tricks to engage – immediately – the audience. One of my favorites is a trifecta; it can be used to demonstrate in real time, structured brainstorming, diversity, and teamwork – and all in a…
Diversity is a wonderful thing. The benefits abound: a McKinsey study found that diverse boards of directors generate better returns and more money; a Tuft’s study concluded that diverse groups uncover more angles when serving on mock juries (which underscores the value all the more so); a combined study by Columbia, MIT, University of Texas-Dallas…
Repurposed from Diana’s Amazon #1 Bestseller, Consequential Communication in Turbulent Times, a Practical Guide to Leadership We humans are a bundle of many things. We are intellectual, rationale, and emotional beings. A good rule to follow in the workplace is that “it’s okay to have emotions, since we all do, and it’s okay to…
In this day and age of technology at our fingertips, methods and modes of communication come in a variety of formats: emails, Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, LinkedIn, Twitter, and websites, including personalized websites, to name a few. The list goes on and on, and it’s growing in leaps and bounds. While technology is handy, it can…
In last week’s blog, the focus was on the very human impulse to respond to social media in the moment – often without thinking first. We might even experience the high of “getting it off our chest,” and later – upon reflection – regret what we said, and/or how we said it. Simply stated, we…
“Words, words, words, I’m so sick of words . . . “sang Eliza Doolittle in the 1964 film version of My Fair Lady. The film, based upon George Bernard Shaw’s book, Pygmalion, posits the question as to whether one’s ability to speak “the King’s English,” can transform a cockney-speaking flower girl into a lady. Whether…
While employed as the Human Resources Director at Times Mirror, a former holding company for a number of media groups – newspapers, television stations, radio stations, magazines, book companies and training companies – I had the good fortune of becoming a certified Zenger Miller facilitator, which company was considered the lead Times Mirror training organization…
Before becoming an organizational development and leadership consultant, and while in my corporate career, I relied upon others working in this important field for sage advice. One can liken these practitioners to “workplace psychologists,” offering must-have leadership tips, whether through one-on-one coaching or team building, all with the aim of improving workplace relationships, motivation and…
“Be brief, be brilliant, be gone,” is oft-quoted and less frequently followed. The quote is often attributable to President Woodrow Wilson; however, several other luminaries have spoken to the theme. Here are a few of my favorites: “Be sincere; be brief; be seated.” Franklin D. Roosevelt. “Courage is what it takes to stand up…
Unless it’s a birthday party, marriage proposal or a public display of gratitude by a boss, most of us don’t like to be surprised. Some don’t even like to be surprised with those three happy events! What about unhappy or negative events, situations or circumstances in the workplace? Many of us are shy about divulging…
People meet, date, mate, get married, and break-up in the workplace all the time. After all, we are humans: We are attracted to others, whether at school, in social settings, or at work. And, although it’s true that some organizations have policies strictly prohibiting any form of fraternizing, these policies rarely work: dating and mating…
The ability to delegate is a key leadership competency. Yet, many supervisors and managers on the road to becoming valuable and valued leaders fail to do so. When asked why they don’t delegate the most common reasons are: “It’s easier to do it myself.” “It takes more time to explain what I want someone else…
Communication happens all the time, whether we know it or not, and whether we like it or not. And, whether intended or not, our communication is perceived by others – positively or negatively. Rarely is communication considered neutral by others. How do you want to be perceived? Having adopted a dog from my daughter…
Remember the family sitcoms of yore when the Father would come home from work, and the balance of the clan ran to greet him, eager to talk about their day’s accomplishments, ask questions, or seek advice? The Father always had a smile on his face and willingly engaged in the conversation (while Mother brough him…
In these turbulent times,* fear and stress can be our constant companions. This blog focuses not on whether we experience fear and stress; rather, how we communicate with others when feeling these emotions. *Last year, when I wrote Consequential Communication in Turbulent Times, a Practical Guide to Leadership, little did I know we would be…
Communication can be touchy to say the least in the era of Covid-19. The expression “take foot, put in mouth,” comes to mind. All of us can be too quick to retort with something we later regret. This blog tackles some tips for avoiding the “lizard brain.” Research Shows . . . That since…
A reader graciously posted the comment “Diana is the Great Communicator,” on the Amazon site adjacent to my book: Consequential Communication in Turbulent Times, a Practical Guide to Leadership. I was, as the saying goes “pleased as punch.” One can never be too smug in these matters, though, particularly because last week I violated one…
Thirty days ago, many of us were just learning to communicate virtually. Fast-forward one month, and we’ve all become experts! Maybe not experts; however, the comfort level has risen dramatically, and our once unscheduled days have become full of GoToMeetings, SKYPEs, Zooms, Google Chats and the like. I, for one, have three standing virtual meetings…
Virtual meetings abound in the covid-19 era. If the truth be told, I’m listening to one while writing this, with my video off. For better or for worse, I turned the video off, and kept the audio on because I wanted to hear what was being said, and was distressed by the chaotic nature of…
Whether we realize it – or not – and whether we intend to – or not – we communicate throughout our waking hours. Consider the following: how we dress and wear our hair; how we walk, sit, and stand; how we present ourselves—whether we make eye contact or meet another’s gaze. Do we sit with…
“Words, words, words, I’m so sick of words . . .“ sang Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady. In that work of art, the use of words and enunciation consistent with the so-called “Kings English,” were used by Professor Henry Higgins to take what he called a “gutter snipe” and transform her into a lady…
It may sound overly formal, however “assuming facts not in evidence,” is a common term used in the practice of law that has resonance in our daily communications. In a trial, the term involves a witness answering a question relying upon a “fact” that has yet to be established in the trial. Thus, the witness…
It has been noted that there has been a deafening silence of thought leaders on the topic of Black Lives Matter. Never one to walk away from a challenge, my initial response was pondering how to change hearts and minds, which – for me – is at the root of the problem. We consultants deal…
Communication Counts – moment-by-moment, hour-by-hour, day-by-day. This is truer now in these turbulent times – an international pandemic, the Black Lives Matter movement and “incoming” on social media. Uncertainty abounds, sensitivities are heightened, virtual meetings are ubiquitous, and the opportunities for miscommunication are multiplied. This presents an opportunity to assess how we communicate, what we…
Communicate, communicate, communicate and over-communicate: Do whatever it takes to break through in these “very interesting times.” Whether it’s the global pandemic, the daily bombardment of “news,” fake or real, or just the discomfort of adjusting to a new normal, it’s vital that we understand first, and are understood second. So much in society today…
Under any circumstances, receiving positive feedback is both wonderful and motivational. During these uncertain times, all the more so! And, as pleasing as it is to receive positive feedback, it is equally exhilarating to give it. This is the sixth in a series of blogs offering communication tips for these turbulent times. The first focused…
During my morning walk with the dog, we often cruise through a local, bucolic park, which has become a haven for the homeless. As we passed an individual who was hunched over on a park bench and diving into some leftovers he found in the trash, I said “good morning sir.” He straightened his body,…
In a recent blog, I addressed the importance of spreading a little kindness through words and deeds in these turbulent times. Today, it’s time to discuss the corresponding response, or the importance of accepting kindness with a show of gratitude through words and deeds. Think about the number of times an appreciative friend, colleague…
It’s rather ironic that I am posting this blog on what would have been my dear old dad’s birthday: He and I often didn’t see eye-to-eye, and were in conflict on many issues – from the rather mundane, as in what time I needed to be home at night – to the more profound –…
Is it almost over with? Is 2020 yet “in the books?” Such a crazy year: first the pandemic, and then the very contentious presidential campaign. Both were all-consuming, and impacted the ways in which we communicated with one another. Time to rethink some of what we did, and didn’t do, and to offer up some…
Strolling – socially distanced and with my mask on – down a beach boardwalk this weekend, I saw a sign that read “first rule of 2021; don’t discuss 2020.” Although amusing, and many of us would wish that 2020 could go away. It won’t. We lived through it, and its after affects may live with…
“Words matter,” have been on the lips and fingertips of many. My own response: “true that,” yet has the phrase been defined, let alone put into action? What does it mean anyway? For me, it means carefully selecting words and phrases that both reflect what is intended and will begin to heal the great divide in our country.
Having spent the better part of this nascent year reflecting on words, intentions and healing the divide, two examples of what not to communicate spring to mind.
As a child, I remember hearing the words “because I said so,” in response to questions asked of my parents. Of course, the questions were often why I had to do something I didn’t want to do. Rather than explain, the fallback was “because I said so.” I found that irksome and made a pledge that my children would never hear that phrase . . . and, they rarely did!
In an age of great volatility — fake news, diverse audiences, technology at our fingertips, and change at the speed of light, clear, concise and intentional communication is vital to successful human interaction. Add to that, the stresses and strains of a pandemic, the financial insecurity it wrought, a contentious political season…
In her landmark 2013 article, Kelly Dickerson captured “8 Tragic Miscalculations and Miscommunications,” a few of the more consequential examples include: The 1977 plane crash in the Canary Islands that killed 583 people because of a miscommunication between the pilots and the air traffic controller; and, A miscommunication about what type of cold medicine to…
The business rationale for developing strong communications competency was made by David Grossman, who surveyed 400 companies with 100,000 employees each. These companies “each cited an average loss per company of $62.4 million per year because of inadequate communication to and between employees.”
Communicating intentionally, accurately and clearly, while avoiding miscommunications is vital. This blog focuses on three essential tips that can help you get the best and most out of others.
In this era of communication at our fingertips, social media with limited characters, and short, 80,000-word books, it’s imperative to make a point quickly, succinctly and with maximum impact. Our “lizard” brains are impatient: if we don’t capture another’s attention within a short period of time, we’ve lost our ability to make the case. This…
Mindtools.com published an article entitled “Coping with Change, Facing Fear and the New Normal.” Clearly, what we have all undergone this past year plus – a global pandemic – the article indicates, is one of “the hardest changes to understand and adjust to . . . (because it is) unexpected and out of our control . . .”
The fight or flight instinct that undoubtedly was instrumental to the survival of our species, is the same response that frequently holds us back today. . . that is, when we “speak first, and think second.” The physiological reaction (in response to a perceived harmful event or attack) is real, biological…
It’s not if we make mistakes; rather, how we handle them. All of us make mistakes, yet many of us fail to own up. Frequently, this failure to accept responsibility ends up with another’s hurt feelings.
The phrase “be brief, be brilliant, be gone,” has been attributed to many, including President Woodrow Wilson. Over the years, I’ve found it to be far more challenging to be concise than verbose – whether verbally or in writing. Another President, Ronald Reagan, used to ask that all recommendations be presented on a single 8…
Parents are wont to have expressions that are oft-repeated to their offspring and sound quaint, thus unbelievable. In thinking of some of those expressions from my dear old ma, two directed at communication come to mind: First, “if you don’t have something nice to say…
Communication is something we do 24/7. Whether we know it or not, and whether we like it or not, that hackneyed phrase from a bygone era “first impressions are easy to make and hard to break” rings true today. During initial encounters, numerous forms of communication occur. Did we meet the challenge? When we meet…
Like all parents, mine used catchy phrases to teach lessons. I remember rolling my eyes and thinking, “they don’t know what they’re talking about.” Upon reflection, and as a parent and now a grandparent – and in all likelihood, the recipient of those rolling eyes – I can appreciate many of the lessons my parents…
All too frequently, supervisors and managers avoid delegating because “it’s easier to do it myself;” “it takes too long to explain,” “I can do it better anyway;” and, “isn’t it my job to do this?” These are four of the most common reasons managers give for sidestepping delegation.
Over the many years whether working as a management employment lawyer, human resources executive or consultant I have read proposed disciplinary letters that include phrases such as “You are being given a verbal warning for unprofessional conduct;” or “your ongoing inappropriate behavior is unacceptable and if it happens again, you will be terminated,” among others. All come from a place of authenticity: the supervisors have observed conduct that is unacceptable in the specific workplace. However, something is missing: the underlying facts that led to those conclusions.
In a September 2016 Forbes magazine article, an internationally known recruiter (Jorgen Sundberg) was quoted as saying that the cost of onboarding an employee is $240,000.00, while the Department of Labor indicated that the cost of a bad hire was 30% of her or his annual wages. The article went on to state “while the…
In this era of communication at our fingertips, social media with limited characters, and 50,000-word business books (or 126 pages, and some say that’s too long), it’s imperative to make a point quickly, succinctly, and with maximum impact. Our “lizard” brains are impatient: if we don’t capture another’s attention within a short period of time,…
As someone who commenced facilitating sexual harassment prevention training long before it was required in California, and who conducts sexual and other workplace harassment investigations – I am in the throes of two as I write this post for two separate companies – it’s always a good idea to remember the “how-to’s,“ and where they…
Last week, we covered three How-tos for employee investigations. This week’s blog addresses Part II of the “ABCs of investigations” – an important, timely, and fact-filled topic. Because of the criticality of this topic, and the detailed conversation in this post about how to proceed, it is long. Be sure to have time to read…
As 2021 is nearing its end, and we are all thinking of our New Year’s resolutions for 2022 (in addition to “lose weight,” “exercise more”), how about adding one more: adopt two or three of the phrases that inspirational leaders have lived by, and emulate to do the same. My three quotes to focus my…
“The most wonderful time of the year,” can also be filled with stress. For me, this year, the so-called “great communicator,” encountered miscommunications that led to hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and three less for a family holiday dinner. What happened and whose responsibility is it anyway? Over the years I, like many trainers/facilitators have developed numerous…
Communication is something we do 24/7. Whether we know it or not, and whether we like it or not, that hackneyed phrase from an era gone by “first impressions are easy to make and hard to break” rings true today. It is more important than ever to make an effort each workday to improve communication.…
Last month, we posted “Three Tips to Implement Now to Improve Communication On The Job.” Today, we’re adding three more to the list, recognizing that many of us are transitioning back to the workplace, or at least transitioning to a hybrid-working environment. Intentional, clear, and effective communication can always be challenging. However, never more so…
Whether it’s called an ice breaker or a warm-up exercise, we facilitators have a number of them in our bag of tricks to engage – immediately – the audience. One of my favorites is a trifecta; it can be used to demonstrate in real-time, structured brainstorming, diversity, and teamwork – and all in a matter…
Internet communication can be a wonderful thing. I just reconnected with a friend who was formerly employed in a large consulting firm and is struggling to make it on his own. His LinkedIn post to me: “wow, finding new clients is a full-time job.” My response, which is the nuts and bolts of this blog:…
As an avid mystery reader, consuming a series from beginning to end, I return to the first in Louise Penny’s series featuring Armand Gamache, a complex detective that steals one’s heart. Among his many, and diverse qualities, his wise counsel on the human condition is distilled into four communication tips that say it all. Introduced…
In 1956 when Dr. Carl R. Rogers and a fellow psychiatrist coined the phrase “active listening,” were they prescient? Did they know that 65 years later the skill would be needed more than ever? Did they have a crystal ball, enabling them to see how communication – the basis of all human interaction – would…
Diversity is a wonderful thing. The benefits abound: a McKinsey study found that diverse boards of directors generate better returns and more money; a Tuft’s study concluded that diverse groups uncover more angles when serving on mock juries (which underscores the value all the more so); a combined study by Columbia, MIT, University of Texas-Dallas…
We, humans, are a bundle of many things: We are intellectual, rational, and emotional beings. A good rule to follow in the workplace is that “it’s okay to have emotions since we all do, and it’s okay to describe those emotions. However, it’s not okay to display those emotions or to act them out.” There…
In this day and age of technology at our fingertips, methods, and modes of communication come in a variety of formats: emails, Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, LinkedIn, Twitter, TikTok, and websites, including personalized websites, to name some of the many. The list goes on and on, and it’s growing in leaps and bounds. While technology is…
“Words, words, words, I’m so sick of words . . . “sang Eliza Doolittle in the 1964 film version of My Fair Lady. The film, based upon George Bernard Shaw’s book, Pygmalion, posits the question of whether one’s ability to speak “the King’s English,” can transform a cockney-speaking flower girl into a lady. Whether the…
While employed as the Human Resources Director at Times Mirror, a former holding company for a number of media groups – newspapers, television stations, radio stations, magazines, book companies, and training companies – I had the good fortune of becoming a certified Zenger Miller facilitator, which the company considered the lead Times Mirror training organization…
Before becoming a leadership consultant, and while in my corporate career, I relied upon others working in this important field for sage advice. One can liken these practitioners to “workplace psychologists,” offering must-have leadership tips, whether through one-on-one coaching or team building, all with the aim of improving workplace relationships, motivation, and productivity. Through the…
The ability to delegate is a key leadership competency. Yet, many supervisors and managers fail to do so. When asked why they don’t delegate the most common reasons are: “It’s easier to do it myself.” “It takes more time to explain what I want someone else to do than to do it myself.” “I can do it better anyway.” As challenging, and even…
Like the vast majority of us, my 12th-grade English teacher asked our class to write an essay entitled “What I Want to Do (when I grow up).” I’m not sure whether I was trying to be cute or rebellious or perhaps prescient, so my essay turned the question on its head. I asked why adults ask us what we want to do, rather than what we want to be.
As the late, great Leonard Cohen wrote (and his fellow Canadian chanteuse Judy Collins sings so hauntingly) “who knows where the time goes?” As we gallop to the end of 2022, it’s time for reflection, compassion, and leadership to begin to heal the great divides in our country and worldwide. There is no better place…
Diversity is a wonderful thing. The benefits abound: a McKinsey study found that diverse boards of directors generate better returns and more money; a Tuft’s study concluded that diverse groups uncover more angles when serving on mock juries (which underscores the value all the more so); a combined study by Columbia, MIT, University of Texas-Dallas and Northwestern found that stock picks by diverse teams experienced 58%…
“The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well as of being heard.” “When people talk, listen completely. Most never listen.” Those two timely bits of sage advice could have been made within the last year, month, week, or even day. Any guesses?
The first quote, from William Hazlet, is attributed to his selected essays written between 1778 – 1830…
In their 1992 book The Language of Love, Gary Smalley and John Trent, Ph.D. distilled this thought into what I’ll call five “sub-languages:” In this post I apply their top five to shape my own top 5 list to improve the way we communicate with those around us.
“How many supervisors like to give performance feedback?” When this question was posed to over 500 leaders in one of the nation’s largest municipal water and power companies, a scant few raised their hands. When asked to explain why, the answers boiled down to three responses: “Because I don’t want to hurt their feelings,” “She’s my friend; I don’t want her to feel bad,” and “I don’t want to deal with the anger.”
Gerald Rosen, a Contracts professor at Loyola Law School used to say “if you can’t get them on the swings, get them on the merry-go-round; if you can’t get them on the merry-go-round, get them on the slide; if you can get them on the slide, get them on the monkey bars.” Having heard those words lo these many years ago, I haven’t a clue as to…
Like most things in life, the advent and proliferation of the Internet has been good, and not-so-good. With access to the world at our fingertips, the ability to stay in touch with loved ones from afar, and, the convenience to purchase our daily needs online (for prompt delivery), these and other Internet-based activities have all added to the betterment of our lives.
One might ask what “The No Surprises Rule,” and “The Power of Apology,” have in common. The unifying thread is yours truly – the author of this post. When I begin a series of leadership facilitations, I typically say “I made a lot of mistakes as an employee, a supervisor, and leader; the good news…
Harvard research found that 70% of meetings keep employees from doing productive work. The same study also shows that cutting back meetings by 40% increases productivity by 70%, with a corresponding increase in employee satisfaction by 52%. WOW.
With all of those statistics, why so many meetings?
Memorial Day marks the unofficial start of summer, which once again causes me to evoke the late, great Leonard Cohen’s lyrics, “who knows where the time goes?” And, for those of us who live in (so-called) sunny southern California, the normal gray May, has slipped into June gloom, in preparation, no doubt, for another record-breaking…
For practitioners of organizational development, there are two schools of thought when it comes to handling conflict. Some advocate conflict resolution, while others subscribe to conflict management. Ponder the difference between the notion of conflict resolution and that of conflict management. Conflict resolution means that a conflict is
“It’s not if we make mistakes; rather, how we handle them,” to (not very humbly) quote myself. Lessons I’ve Learned Over the Years: When I goof, saying “I’m sorry” stands alone, and is powerful. Providing an explanation serves to dilute the apology, and often reads as an excuse, a la, “Sorry I’m late; I ran…
A good facilitator makes it look easy-breezy, which is part of the magic. If the facilitator has accomplished this feat, then she is good! When one goes and graduates from “facilitator training school,” as I have, the first lesson is that “it takes twice as long to prepare, as it does to deliver.” Fortunately, over time and with practice, the preparation time is cut down considerably.
In the world of leadership, two skills stand out as particularly vital yet challenging to master: effectively managing workplace conflict and communicating with…
In a September 2016 Forbes magazine article, an internationally known recruiter (Jorgen Sundberg) was quoted as saying that the cost of onboarding an employee is $240,000.00, while the Department of Labor indicated that the cost of a bad hire was 30% of her or his annual wages. The article went on to state “While the…
I recently posted a blog entitled “The Two Most Difficult Words in the English Language: I’m Sorry.” In these times in which we live – a sad loss of civility in the public square – two more difficult words in the English language are “thank-you.” As with “I’m sorry,” “thank you,” when sincerely given is both powerful and motivating.
As the year comes to an end, it’s time for reflection, renewal, and commitment, often through pledging to New Year’s Resolutions. Next year, why not take a quote from an admired historical figure that informs communication? After all, it’s something we do 24×7, whether we want to or not, and whether we intend to or not. By focusing on how we communicate, we may have more successful results.
Regular Newsletter followers will know that I struggled with my second book – now nearly completed – entitled “Can’t We All Just Get Along,” Rodney King, Courageous Communication: a Return to Civility. The reason for my struggle was the result of a succession of surveys, responded to worldwide, with what I initially thought were startling, surprising, even shocking results.
It’s not “if” we make mistakes; rather, it’s how we handle them. Research from the University of Texas found that on average, we make “at least three mistakes (usually 5 – 7) every hour we are awake.” Wow, doubtless many of those errors involve the individual only, such as forgetting to turn off a light, or walking into a room, and forgetting why.
During my career, I’ve learned that effective communication is not just about transmitting information; it’s about creating understanding, trust, and engagement. Below are my top leadership communication tips that have been pivotal in fostering a dynamic and productive work environment.
I admit it – I struggled mightily writing this book in the face of survey results that were contrary to what appeared to be reality. As that great American philosopher, Groucho Marx once said “Who are you gonna believe, me or your lying eyes?”
So, how do we distinguish between facts and opinions in our daily lives? How do we avoid taking our opinions, drawing conclusions, and then acting upon them?
For me, assuming facts not in evidence leads us to form opinions, draw conclusions – that may well be wrong – and then act based on those faulty conclusions.
we appear to be living in a world where alternate facts, conspiracy theories, and opinions masquerading as facts are inescapable. All of this, and no doubt more, has led to unsettling times, where civility appears to have gone by the wayside. How pervasive is this incivility? Are we all observing or experiencing the same degree of discourteous conduct that seems prevalent?
We’ve all said things we regret. The issue is never if we said something we later regretted. Rather, how we handled it. I recommend a simple, I’m sorry,” without explanation, since offering up the reason often seems like an excuse. Shortening the statement “I’m sorry I said that, but I was angry,” to “I’m sorry I said that” is clear, brief, and sincere.
Are you afraid of ghosts? Had we been asked that as children, undoubtedly, we all would have said “yes.” Yet, there are ghosts among us today – everywhere. And who is afraid of them? Perhaps I am being a bit melodramatic, still, I can’t imagine I am alone in rebelling against being “ghosted” online.
Clear, concise, and intentional communication is at the heart of all human relationships and interactions, be they personal or professional. How communication takes place is as important as the fact that communication is taking place. It isn’t “if” we communicate; rather,…
As summer comes to an end, it takes me back to my days in elementary school. Regardless of grade, we seemed always to have been asked to write an essay entitled, “How I Spent my Summer.” Those were carefree days when even in the greater Los Angeles area, neighborhoods held block parties, and front doors…
There was a time – in the not-too-distant past – when we agreed on facts yet differed on their implications. This resulted in diverse opinions and various conclusions on how to proceed. As the late Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan famously said, “Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.”
During a recent episode of Leadership Purpose with Dr. Robin, we explored themes from my book “Can we all just get along?” Rodney King – Courageous Communication: A Return to Civility, sparked a broader discussion on the impact of purpose-driven leadership. Here are the essential lessons that emerged from the conversation.
Remember the book: All I Really Need to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten? With two recent experiences under my belt with two different elementary schools, author Robert Fulghum’s book came to mind. The first experience was at a local IB (International Baccalaureate) school, where I had the privilege to serve as “Principal for the Day,”…
As we break out the bubbly, sing Auld Lang Syne, and hold tightly to those we love, we typically ponder what New Year’s resolutions we will make for 2025. Among the most popular? Lose weight, exercise more, improve eating habits, and save more money. All are worthy goals. Those I’m adding to my list come right out of the book…
“When the going is easy, everyone sails, but when the waters get rough, that’s when you need to really steer.” This and similar expressions (“Easy times don’t build character; it’s the tough situations that reveal our resilience”) reinforce something we all know – be it explicitly or implicitly. When life is smooth…
Political discussions at work have shifted from casual water cooler conversations to significant sources of conflict. A recent Resume Now report found that:
91% of employees have witnessed or experienced political clashes at work, 51% actively avoid colleagues with different political views, 93% believe leadership’s political bias influences workplace policies and promotions.
So many blog ideas were swirling around my head this month. All were put aside when a good friend and colleague sent me a survey on the sad reality that our divergent – perhaps more aptly stated – polarized – political beliefs have infected the workplace.
Last month, we learned some unhappy news about the workplace: the societal discord we experience in the public square has seeped into our companies. Now it’s time to face facts and move from this worrying news to strategics and tactics to counteract it. The data showed…
Unless it’s a birthday party, a marriage proposal, or a public display of gratitude by a boss, most of us don’t like to be surprised. Some don’t even like to be surprised by those three happy events! What about unhappy or negative events, situations, or circumstances in the workplace? What about the no-surprises rule? Many…
Like many, I am a lifelong learner. Frequently, my lessons come from the mistakes I’ve made. Here’s one that informed me, first as an employee and later as a boss, on performance conversations. While practicing employment law for the major southern California electric utility, I met frequently with officers in various departments to…
One of my clients has long had a prohibition on discussing politics in the workplace. Should someone forget and engage in political dialogue – the friendly reminder code word is “pizza,” a signal to cease and desist. I must admit, I initially thought this was silly. After all, we are all adults. It turns out that this employer was ahead of its time.
Playgoing is one of my passions. Yesterday, it was a contemporary (as could only be playing in Los Angeles) reinterpretation of Hamlet. Thankfully, Shakespeare’s immortalized phrases were left unaltered. The one that rings truest for me has been on my mind: “To be or not to be, that is the question.” Over the years, I…
Unless we are the organization’s top dog, we need to exert the power of persuasion to engage others to embrace and – more importantly – execute our very good ideas. But, with competing priorities, how do we do that? I call it “make it easy for them to say yes.”
Words don’t just transmit information—they set tone and assign responsibility. Shift from “you” to “I” statements to clarify intent, reduce blame, and keep conversations respectful and productive.
Musings from Diana Peterson-More, this Month’s Hostess: Welcome all – the always thoughtful and insightful contributors – and to our valuable readers. In the September Leadership Carnival, please find a wealth of information on a variety of leadership topics that will serve as the launch pad to the balance of the year. And, speaking about…
Is “You” a Fighting Word? In pondering what the first conversations would look like, or sound like, as the case may be, I’ll invite two of my initial guests to change “you statements” to “I” statements. Rather than say, “You’re making me angry,” the reframing could be, “I felt angry when . . .”
How many times have you written or said something that you later regretted – often in the moment? It’s happened to all of us – it’s that immediate, heart-stomping comeback to whatever was lobbed our way. When we do that, a quick, unvarnished apology is the best antidote.
It was a true pleasure to welcome Susan Heaton-Wright as a guest on the November episode of Wise Women and Good Men. Susan brings to the conversation not only deep professional expertise, but also a rare combination of strategic insight, authenticity, and thoughtful leadership presence.
November has come and gone – in a flash. It’s a month of celebrations in the Peterson-More household: three birthdays, Veterans Day, and the “granddaddy of them all,” Thanksgiving, What we in Pasadena – and some sports newscasters — call the Rose Bowl.
Personally, I blew it: I intended to honor my WWII parents on Veterans Day, to highlight family birthdays…
Embracing the spirit of Valentine’s Day – considered a day to celebrate romantic love – why not bring more heart into the workplace? As the world has seemingly shifted on its axis, so has the working world. Norms and expectations have changed among organizations, leaders, and team members. It’s a clear call for leaders to step up. Time for more heart?
“To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart,” declared Eleanor Roosevelt, which is the opener to Robyn McLeod’s offering this month. It captures the spirit of Valentine’s Day and underscores the need in the workplace for more compassion and empathy in these turbulent times.
The Olympics showcase more than talent — they reveal character. From setback to success, these stories offer meaningful workplace lessons.
In a recent conversation with Cynthia Kurtz and Philip Hawkey, two accomplished leaders who have served as city managers in Pasadena, we explored what leadership truly looks like in complex, high-stakes environments. Their insights offer powerful guidance not only for those in public service but for anyone navigating leadership today.
April 2026 Leadership Development Digest hosted by Diana Peterson-More April is the time to reflect upon the seemingly too-fast end of the first quarter 2026, and the heralding of Spring – a time of renewal and new beginnings. For me, I looked back at my resolutions for the year and found mixed results. What about…
For the past year, I’ve been hosting “Wise Women and Good Men,” which is a series of LinkedIn Live conversations that are then uploaded onto YouTube. This year, the focus has been on “Leaders on Leadership.” With a wealth of leaders in all shapes and sizes working for a variety of organizations, I always ask the guests to list what they consider the three to five top leadership skills or traits.
Reflections from a Wise Women and Good Men conversation with Debra Suh and Mark Waterson Nonprofit leaders face a unique challenge. They answer not only to staff and boards, but also to donors, foundations, community partners, clients, and government agencies. Each stakeholder brings different expectations, priorities, and pressures.
Drum roll, please! This month’s Leadership Development Digest features a record number of offerings – 26 thought leaders share their wisdom on a range of topics: Performance and Results; Growth & Development, Resilience, Well-Being, & Burnout Prevention, and AI & Technology ; Culture, Coaching and Communication; and, Engagement & Motivation, Emotional Intelligence, and Change & Innovation.
Performance reviews by ambush. Leaders who treat feedback like the plague. Bosses who never ask where you want to be in one to three years. It’s time to turn that around; it’s time to take the bull by the horns. Write Your Own Review. Yes, Write Your Own Review.
Performance reviews by ambush. Leaders who treat feedback like the plague. Bosses who never ask where you want to be in one to three years. That was my lead-in to my series called “Write Your Own Review,” and I tackled the first frustration.Today, let’s look at the second frustration: Leaders who treat feedback like the plague.
For those feeling unseen, unheard, or living in a feedback desert, this is the third leg on the stool in a series called “Write Your Own Review.” It’s all about turning the tables on the process and stopping the waiting game by writing your own performance review.