Is “You” a Fighting Word? In pondering what the first conversations would look like, or sound like, as the case may be, I’ll invite two of my initial guests to change “you statements” to “I” statements. Rather than say, “You’re making me angry,” the reframing could be, “I felt angry when . . .”
Unless it’s a birthday party, a marriage proposal, or a public display of gratitude by a boss, most of us don’t like to be surprised. Some don’t even like to be surprised by those three happy events! What about unhappy or negative events, situations, or circumstances in the workplace? What about the no-surprises rule? Many…
Political discussions at work have shifted from casual water cooler conversations to significant sources of conflict. A recent Resume Now report found that:
91% of employees have witnessed or experienced political clashes at work, 51% actively avoid colleagues with different political views, 93% believe leadership’s political bias influences workplace policies and promotions.
There was a time – in the not-too-distant past – when we agreed on facts yet differed on their implications. This resulted in diverse opinions and various conclusions on how to proceed. As the late Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan famously said, “Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.”
Are you afraid of ghosts? Had we been asked that as children, undoubtedly, we all would have said “yes.” Yet, there are ghosts among us today – everywhere. And who is afraid of them? Perhaps I am being a bit melodramatic, still, I can’t imagine I am alone in rebelling against being “ghosted” online.
We’ve all said things we regret. The issue is never if we said something we later regretted. Rather, how we handled it. I recommend a simple, I’m sorry,” without explanation, since offering up the reason often seems like an excuse. Shortening the statement “I’m sorry I said that, but I was angry,” to “I’m sorry I said that” is clear, brief, and sincere.
For me, assuming facts not in evidence leads us to form opinions, draw conclusions – that may well be wrong – and then act based on those faulty conclusions.
So, how do we distinguish between facts and opinions in our daily lives? How do we avoid taking our opinions, drawing conclusions, and then acting upon them?
Regular Newsletter followers will know that I struggled with my second book – now nearly completed – entitled “Can’t We All Just Get Along,” Rodney King, Courageous Communication: a Return to Civility. The reason for my struggle was the result of a succession of surveys, responded to worldwide, with what I initially thought were startling, surprising, even shocking results.
I recently posted a blog entitled “The Two Most Difficult Words in the English Language: I’m Sorry.” In these times in which we live – a sad loss of civility in the public square – two more difficult words in the English language are “thank-you.” As with “I’m sorry,” “thank you,” when sincerely given is both powerful and motivating.